Do you dare to trust?
In everyday life it usually takes a while to really get to know someone. This is the same case when you begin therapy. You need time and space to feel each other out and get used to one another before trust can be built between you and your therapist. Is it difficult for you to trust someone, do you have a fear of the unknown or of disappointment? Then it’s very understandable that it’s not easy for you talk about your insecurities, feelings of shame or problems. Therapy is a cooperative process and trust needs to grow before your journey can take wings. Connecting and commitment is an art. I often refer to it as ‘the art of finding one another’. If trust is difficult for you, we can first talk about how we can make this an integral part of our sessions. Distrust is allowed. Vulnerability is allowed. The permission to have these feelings is unconditional when you work with me as your therapist. From this starting point, we can begin to examine the topic of trust and what it means to you.
Mirror
I am -preferably- a new person for you and that’s how it should be. In order to approach your problems with clarity and, especially, objectivity, I need to be able to look at things from a distance. The good thing about that is that, not only do I guarantee complete confidentiality, but I have also seen and heard many types of problems in my work. Due to that, I am not easily surprised or shocked by anything.
What you bring to the sessions -including subconscious behavior- becomes your ‘theme’ and we will reflect on that together. From an empathetic view, I can be a mirror for you. For example, it often happens in a session that a client begins to talk non-stop.
I will then sometimes suggest a short pause if it begins to become difficult for me to keep my own thoughts totally focused. Through my mirroring and reflecting on this, I can help you become aware of what makes up your theme. For instance, ‘difficulty giving space to another because you don’t feel space for yourself’. When you gain insight into my reactions, you also gain insight into your own behavioral patterns. Are you maybe quick to anger or feel misunderstood? Then it may be possible that I even irritate you or you get the feeling that I’m not on the same wavelength as you. Instead of having this lead to an (unspoken) conflict or distance, as often happens in ‘real’ life, we will turn it into something that we will explore together.
Searching together
We all have an inner need to solve our problems and, by doing so, shape our lives. It’s not only the conclusions reached that are important, but, very much so, also the journey there. Searching together is a beautiful and bonding way of going about this and can bring about the beginnings of change. Therapy can be seen as a dress rehearsal where you practice the things you find difficult. The therapeutic relationship is a practice relationship that gives you something to hold onto and help you learn how to have more satisfying contact with others. Putting trust in that process is the first step.
– Vulnerability is the birthplace to connection and the path to feelings of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive. – Brené Brown
