Dating Again After a Toxic Relationship
Getting back into dating can be very daunting when you’ve been in a relationship with someone who has psychologically harmed you. You may find yourself scrutinizing your new date under a magnifying glass, searching for signs that resemble your previous partner’s behavior. The best time to start dating again is when you feel you’ve sufficiently healed from your past relationship. It’s wise to keep a few tips in mind while dating. These tips will help protect you during the initial dating phase, giving you the time and space to determine whether you’re dealing with a safe person.
Tips for Safe Dating
- Get a second (prepaid) phone with a different number specifically for dating.
- Avoid texting or chatting for hours.
- If someone wants to text all the time, this can be a red flag (obsessive behavior).
- Try to limit texting to before 8:00 PM; don’t let it take up too much of your day or evening.
- Do not answer phone calls in the middle of the night.
- Plan your first few dates during the daytime and avoid alcoholic drinks.
- Keep your dates under two hours.
- Don’t immediately share too much about your past relationship—”It just didn’t work out” is enough.
- Avoid discussing your personal problems too soon; keep things light and casual.
- Wait at least three months before introducing your date to your parents or friends.
- Don’t rush into moving in together or adopting a pet.
- Avoid starting a business together too soon.
- Don’t spend too much time listening to someone’s problems or acting as their therapist.
- Listen to your gut—if you feel anxious or uneasy, take it seriously.
Self-Love
The best time to start dating again is when your emotional wounds have healed. Make sure you can give yourself everything you need before seeking it from someone else. Be mindful of not needing someone to hold your hand simply because you feel incapable of facing life alone. The best remedy for healing wounds is called self-love—a powerful blend of rich, sweet honey infused with essential “self-spices.” Below are the self-spices that contribute to true healing:
- Self-confidence
- Self-respect
- Independence
- Self-reflection
- Self-assurance
- Personal growth
- Self-worth
- Self-protection
- Self-realization
- Self-regulation
- Self-sufficiency
- Self-direction
- Self-gratification
- Self-reliance
- Self-analysis
- Self-recognition
- Self-acceptance
- Self-irony
- Self-awareness
By cultivating these qualities, you create a strong foundation within yourself. Only then will you be able to attract and recognize a healthy, loving relationship.
Resolutions and Promises to Yourself
Now that your experience with the person who psychologically harmed you is behind you, it’s time to make some resolutions and promises to yourself. For example, you can promise yourself that you will never again ignore your intuition. What will you never do again to prevent losing yourself? Here are some suggestions:
- People-pleasing
- Being dependent on someone else
- Doubting yourself
- Allowing yourself to be hurt
- Letting someone dominate you
- Allowing yourself to be controlled
- Abandoning your own opinions
- Taking on the victim role
- Taking the blame for everything
- Wasting your time waiting
- Overstepping your own boundaries
- Solving problems for others
- Betraying your own values and principles
- Keeping up appearances for the outside world
- Letting someone make you jealous
- Withholding information just to keep the peace
- Waiting too long before taking action
- Staying until everything explodes
- Letting someone manipulate you into believing you’re mentally ill
- Feeling lonely in a relationship
- Overthinking in a relationship
What Is Self-Worth?
Cherishing your self-worth is perhaps the most important commitment you can make in any new relationship. It may take some time to get used to your new habits and resolutions. You are probably someone who naturally takes care of others and does it well. But taking good care of yourself—because you deserve it—might feel unfamiliar at first. Here are some reminders to help you maintain your self-worth. You can apply them while dating again, but they are just as important in all of your relationships:
- Respect your own boundaries
- Dare to stand up for yourself
- Speak your mind
- Take time and space for yourself when you need it
- Be proud of yourself
- Recognize your own strengths
- Believe in compliments!
- Stay true to your spontaneity
